dating a "quirky" girl

Publicado em 3 Jun 2020
a video essay featuring my random thoughts after water Stargirl on Disney+, among other movies.
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  • thanks for watching everybody. Given current events, it felt weird to just sit here and make jokes about Disney Channel movies or whatever, so I wanted to do something a little more serious (but not too serious, I mean this is ME after all). I don't do video essays too often, so some of you may have never seen one of mine. On BRdown, most video essays are really just like fancy wikipedia articles or college thesis papers. But with mine I like to make them more personal, more about my experiences and opinions, rather than like "look at how many big words I can use". In this video, I use the words "quirky" and "manic pixie dream girl" somewhat interchangeably. This is technically not correct, but I wanted to focus more on my experience with these kinds of people, rather than a dissertation about the trope itself and how it manifests in different kinds of media over time or whatever. Like I mentioned in the video, I was REALLY into the idea of the MPDG back when I was in High School, so it was interesting for me to think back on why that was, and why I can't stand them now. And again, as I touched on in the video, these roles of "sad boy" and "MPDG" can easily be reversed. But, at least in movies and tv shows, the trope is overwhelmingly portrayed in the way I talk about in the video. The MPDG doesn't really exist in real life, but I have met more than a few girls (and guys too) who, either on purpose or by happenstance, are emulating one. I used to think dating these girls would be a dream come true. I was wrong. It was agony.

    • @Rehema Watch me riot how does his reviews relate to current issues? It is review/comedy channel.

    • I think I'm the kind of person you're talking about. I'm in an identity crisis. My whole childhood my identity's been suppressed so now I feel like sometimes I'm trying too hard to be myself to make up for lack of freedom of expression as a kid. Now I get defensive if I feel like someone's telling me to do something that I think will suppress the person I am inside. I get defensive. It's mental illness. I'm also the type to try to help others find their path in life and tend to act according to my bipolar disorder I tend to be irrational and spontaneous, I move as fast as I can until I can't move any longer and then when I come out of my depression I try to shrug it off like the amount of work I refused to do when I was depressed didn't affect any of the people around me. I'm a perfectionist, I live in this fantasy world where I try so hard to be important. To stand out. I fear of being forgotten. I'm not good with commitment. People choose when they want to be around me when they need my help but they never stay. I'm too spontaneous which isn't exactly a good thing. There's no trust in any of my relationships. They've already caught on to the type of person that I am. I used to think I was pleasant to be around, but it's all a facade that people can see through. I'm trying to change. To take the time to just live, and to know who I am even if I have to part with some of the things that make me me temporarily so that I don't bother others. To meet in the middle is what I want. Separating myself from the rest of the world and then trying to have long lasting relationships isn't working for me anymore.

    • I didn't read this comment because it's super long and I don't have the time right now, but I agree with your opinions in the vid and I have kind of already figured out for myself the hard way that dating a manic pixie dream girl really isn't.... healthy. Yet, they are still fully capable of wrapping me around their little finger. Don't know why I can't resist them. Anyway, I think that you should do a video on the old Disney classic, "The Thirteenth Year".

    • This made me really sad thinking that I might be this person...but I’m real...I can’t disappear from my shitty self...🥺 I’ve been having a lot of deeper conversations and thoughts lately...I don’t like it. I like being ignorantly happy.

    • Yo Alex I agree with you homie dating these type of Girls is on nightmare I was with one for only a few months she literally cheated on her me with her ex the day after we broke up

  • also, keep in mind, "love doesnt cure but love stands by", when u r in true love, it will never cure what u r going thro, but they will be with u,, mental health is NOT cured by ayone, it is a slow process,yes they will make u happy but they wont change you, u change urself slowly,,, it is difficult to explain, they will not change you, but when u feel loved you slowly start accepting urself and at the same time u try to be a better version urself,, dont expect urself to be better once u meet someone,,, also, both of u need to be in good terms and understand each other

  • "she was not like other girls" who tf is like each other, everyone is different in some way or other

  • Okay but what I HATE is this "i'm not like other girls" narrative by reading a book and not wearing make up. A lot of stories like that are written by people who think they are special because they are an "outsider" & blame their problems on everyone else & being jealous. Instead of actually working on yourself to stop being judgemental and being more sociable, etc. Plus, only because other girls wear make-up, have one night stands or whatever doesn't mean they are dumb, have bad grades and bully everyone? I hate this in shows and books (and real life even). Teens/young adults these days do this & romanticise mental health issues, pretend they have said issues or seek for attention instead of working on their issues. No, your partner cannot HEAL you and most of your problems are because you are standing in your own way because you think you can brag about anxiety or depression. People with real mental health issues don't wanna be treated "special" & try and work on themselves so they can have a normal life (as much as they can) & usually don't wanna tell every person they see that they have this and this problem. Also, dressing up as an "emo", suddenly listening to punk rock, going to a thrift shop, not wearing make up, not drinking or going to parties, etc. is NOT a personality trait. Like people just stop doing this to act cool or whatever and just do and wear what you actually like. The amount of teens I see that buy tshirts from Primark that have a heavy metal band or rock band on it is so annoying cuz when you ask them about it they don't even know said band or try and pretend that they do in a very cringy way.

  • day #:73668388 alt girls have taken over the world cis white men have been sent to death camps me and a few other refugees are hiding in the subway which has been long abandoned

  • Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with liking someone and not wanting to be in a relationship. But, it IS wrong to act as if you are in a relationship with that person when you know it's not going anywhere. It's called leading someone on.

  • I am not like the other commenters I'm quirky

  • How many times can you say “like”? (Besides that great video!)

  • Many people would say that it isn't such a big deal and just in movies, but media have such a great impact and especially movies and other media for young people can change or even define a person's view on relationships

  • 7:43 I always find it awkward that the taxi driver can hear them talking

  • This is why I like 'The Way, Way back' so much: the MC is, yes, a sad boy but It's mostly a father figure that 'changes' him and the love interest is actually just a down to earth sane girl who, even before the change, treats him as a person.

  • paper towns

  • Shouldn't the guy just try to fix himself instead of relying on someone else? Get a therapist or somthing.

  • You should know that the man who coined this MPDG term wrote an article where he completely wishes he never did. It turned into a sexist term that men use when they feel like they can convince a quirky or MPDG to debt away from who they truly are and who they always said they were. Please men, if a girl tells you something, LISTEN. All of these women from the start explained who they were, and the men thought they could “save them” and “show them what true love is.” But love is more than that, it’s accepting the person and listening. I don’t think this video understand that at all.

    • @Audrey Russelman yeah thanks. I found the name of the one with audrey Hepburn , breakfast at Tiffany's 😅

    • @Sandra Brainy Hi! in the thumbnail pic of the video, I dont know who the girl on the left is. I'll try to figure it out. But the girl on the right is Summer from "500 Days of Summer" !

    • Hey can u pls tell me what the name is of the 90's movie shown in the video ?

  • I really wish Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was brought up. OR that one episode on friends where they love the "fun guy" until he stops drinking.

  • I actually relate alot to the quirky girl thing, not the fixing people part but like always being happy and being loud you know that part, and whenever i see videos that say it is unrealistic I always question if I fake it and dont realise, but it feels real.

  • Katharine Hepburn was annoying in Bringing Up Baby

  • When I look back I think a lot of dudes thought of me as their mental health fixing "manic pixie dream girl". I mean yes I do have some of the characteristics, unusual interests, I dress "quirky" and I like to play the therapist for my friends from time to time. I always thought they see me as a very unique and cute character, but they all just saw a fixing machine for their own problems. I remember my first boyfriend who told me that he had depression, and that his ex girlfriends were very complicated and mean, and that he saw an "angel" in me because he believes in love again. Later I realised that he never tried to understand me and all my interests, but I had to understand him and his interests. He also never really helped me when I am sad. Sometimes I think he broke up because I couldn't fix him, or because the job was already done and he doesn't need me anymore. I like to be the quirky girl and I like to help people, but I don't like to be seen as the therapist for every sad boy, I am also a person and I also want to be understood by others.

  • bro I swear when I was like 5 -7 years old I was in love with twilight and I couldnt stop watching it

  • Did you just hashtag BLM?

  • These are facts


  • Very cute how so many people in this comment section watched this video and decided that "girls are shallow and manipulative" was the takeaway, instead of literally anything that was said in the video or makes sense if you even care about other people. xx

  • I really enjoyed watching this video. I can relate to what you said because I have always been the quirky kind of girl who leaves eventually because it gets tiring. I've never been completely satisfied with any relationship I had because I always go for the hopeless cases to fix them and then leaves. Maybe because deep down I know that I'm selfish and I need to do something that makes me feel better or to satisfy my narcissistic side that I'm an angle who helps other people and gain nothing in return. But every time I leave I feel shit all over again and the guilty feelings gets deeper and deeper till I reached a point where I hate myself entirely, I feel exposed, I don't wanna be with anyone anymore, and I just hate my life and have no passion about any damn thing anymore.

  • ugh I was about to watch star girl....

  • You should totally watch mr. Right then

  • the problem with Manic pixie dream girls is that the boys who like them do NOT listen to anybody but themselves. The girl clearly states that she doesn't want to be tied down with someone and yet the guy keeps pursuing her without a care for what she WANTS. He just wants her to conform to his IDEALS and keep on doing what he wants her to do to make him feel good about himself. And when she leaves him, he vilifies her by calling her selfish and whatnot.

  • Whoever writes these scripts for the movies obviously has never had a period or hormonal changes 😂

  • Suspenders aren't overalls lol. One is an accessory, like a belt, and the other is an actual article of clothing that covers the chest, as well as the legs (hence the "all" in overalls)

  • You should watch this:

  • How to be a manic pixie girl 1. White 2. Skinny 3. Pretty 4. Quirky It only works in that order

  • My favorite Manic Pixie Girl is Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim vs the World

    • @Sandra Brainy at what minute does the "90's movie" appear in the video?

    • Hey can u pls tell me what the name is of the 90's movie shown in the video ?

  • Women in movies/tv/books seems to always want to fix the men because deep character flaws in men are more acceptable than in women. So the women are written to be the catalyst for making him a better man/companion. For example look at how reactors watch avatar for the first time. Compare their reaction to Zuko in book 1 and 2 of ATLA and to Korra in book 1 and 2 of TLOK. People seems to easily forgive Zuko (even after betraying one of the most lovable character, Iroh) and keep saying he's just lost his eay but hes good boy deep down (which ofcourse true) instead of the anger people have toward Korra when shes being selfish and bratty (though she's also shown to be remorseful and did apologized to the people she hurt). But at the other end, female characters can't be too perfect either. People love the amazingly talented chosen one storyline like with Neo in The Matrix but hate when its a woman chosen one like Rey in the new Star Wars trilogy.

  • Those manic pixie girls, do they really exist? Has anyone had a relationship with them? I think that most mentally and emotionally stable guys wouldn’t want another mom/doctor figure that would fix them or tell them how to live. I don’t think girls would want to be in a relationship where she has to work her but off to fix someone.

    • I'm actually friends with a manic pixie girl

  • Ever occurred to you, that the "new" girl actually seems fresh and energetic only to our main protagonist (love), and is portrayed that way (universally attractive) so all of us can understand his subjective feelings?

  • 500 days of summer is actually the opposite of that! It's about how the boy was dreaming about having that MPDG save her but he then realizes that girls aren't existing just for men and we see that the girl he likes also has her own ambitions and her own life.

  • This explains why I hate RomComs so much. They are so cliche and follow the same formula.

  • I went to rehab once, before i got discharged i asked my counselor "what should i do to stay clean" and he told me to "find a woman to love you" And in my case it does help

    • It helps but only if your understanding of relationships comes from a healthy place. I think to an extent you need to learn to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.

  • I think I consumed way too much content like this when I was a kid. I actually fell into a short-term relationship where I wanted to fix the guy and it caused problems real quick. Life Lesson: YOU CAN’T FIX SOMEBODY ELSE. And it is not your job to fix somebody else. So don’t take it upon yourself unless you’re in it for the long haul and prepared to accept that they may never grow into a better person if they’re dependent on you. That leads to resentment and stagnation. So stay in your own lane and recognize that a real relationship takes work and loving someone isn’t something that just happens. You’ve gotta put in the work and choose to love and be loyal to someone every day, even the shitty ones.

  • The show 'You' took quirky and sad to a whole new level lol

  • Aka breeding grounds for being a narcissist

  • i just realized-i was the "manic pixie dream girl" type of girl-and the sad boi was my ex-and that i still am the "manic pixie dream girl"-

  • you say that these girls don’t exist irl. but alex lemme tell ya...this video has helped me realize that this is my life. i was horribly sad and depressed upon meeting my gf and she faces me new life and has completely changed me but now we are coming up to the 3rd year mark and it really is tough to feel like you have little to no real impact on someone that has changed your life and impacted you so profoundly. also the “if you don’t like it then why don’t you just go find someone else” is very frustrating at times when you, yourself, have come to understand your flaws and change for the better and yet this person has made almost no change since we’ve dated, even when i point out her toxic traits and describe how theyre affecting me. like you cannot show her her wrongdoings without either a) getting upset and throwing a pity party or b) getting upset and saying take it or leave it. there are obviously many nuisances as this is a real person and not j a movie character but still, at its core, this is my story

  • I dated a M.P.D.G. for 5 months when I was 21. It was a whirlwind that definitely changed me for the better. She broke my heart when she moved on to the next guy. It's been 10 years now she's an exotic dancer and married to a man with numerous face tattoos.

  • you know it's a different video when you see the watercolor transitions

  • I’m surprised no one’s talking about the chick from Bridge to Terabithia tbh

  • I think the Manic Pixie Dream Girl would work better if she was a hallucination or ghost that only her loser boyfriend can see.

  • Summer is not a manic pixie dream girl. Tom was expecting her to be one, but he made the mistake of selfishly expecting her to be one and in the movie "500 Days of Summer," he was being punished for projecting his expectations on her. Summer does not choose Tom. 500 Days of Summer was a really good movie but it does not really belong in this video.

  • I don't think Summer or Tiffany were in the wrong at all. These men chose to give them narratives that both characters actively told them that weren't for them. If you catch feelings for someone who specifically tells you not to catch feelings, whose fault is that?

  • 500 days is literally a comment on Manic pixies, it's not a good movie to prove your point

  • I honestly don't find it sexist, I find it as plot device and I don't mind if it's used the right way

  • So basically the girls have to provide emotional labor. Fun.

  • For some reason I have the very specific and somewhat similar type of “Cute, pale, funny, young women with natural but uncommon hair colors, and names starting with the letter A” which fits the profile of every girl I’ve ever liked/dated.

  • OK, girls and boys. I have an idea. Girls try to be pixies and boys try to become brooding badasses.

  • There are no human beings without complications.

  • So true

  • I've met “quirky” guys before lmao we literally texted TEXTED for less than 5 hours in total and he decided to ask me out for coffee

  • Girl and boys, men and women, whoever you are... Fix your damn selves! Good night!

  • Gee, the analysis was right and then you missed the point entirely. None of these girls have any obligation to these boys, and none of these girls are interested in a relationship with them in the end. None of them are ignoring basic human decency by not wanting to continue the relationship or by doing what they want to do.

  • This reminds me of the hindi movie Jab We Met..😍💖

  • The Art of Getting By, Youth in Revolt, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Juno (pretty much every Michael Cera movie lmao).

  • I am here bc a girl just told me that i am a real life "manic pixie dream girl" I am like ??

  • If you haven't watched The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, you need to. It really explores what a real adult relationship where the two mains both expect this MPDG schtick to make their relationship special and magical but neither can really change for the other. It's heart-breaking.

  • stop you leave jess day alone

  • This is literally the description for Your Lie in April

  • *how simps are born*

  • you may be missing the point 🥶 I believe these movies (the manic pixie ones) are meant to show that happiness is a choice and you can’t accomplish it through love. Which is why almost all of these movies end in a break up - but start with a relationship. The boys like the girls because they chose to be happy and not sad - and they learn that through these girls. The misconception is; that you don’t need to be in a relationship to learn these things. But most of these movies - the relationships are consensual. So who cares? It’s not a BAD plot line or a bad story to push - BUT I can admit it’s fricken boring and I’m so sick of this female character trope.

  • Is it bad that I think I am the manic pixie dream girl?

  • You know, I never really thought about this seriously. Now that you've pointed it out, I agree with you

  • I used to be like the embodiment of this in my bf’s life and I wasn’t even conscious of it. Thankfully, since this is real life and not a movie, when we got to 6 months together he helped me understand how my unpredictability could tear us apart and if I love him and want to be with him, I have to be an adult.

  • Who hurt you lol. The kind of men who put you in this role, I've personally found, do not give a shit about what you may want or feel. It's all about fulfilling his needs and desires, if we're selfish for not kowtowing to it, then so be it. But it's not an inherent selfishness, it's called having boundaries and the fact that we are our own persons

  • My best friend is pretty much a manic pixie dream girl bit I don't think she even notices.

  • In Stargirl's defense, She was willing to compromise when she thought that acting normal would make her and Leo happier in the end. It was after acting normal and seeing that it changed nothing and just made her unhappy, she leaves Leo for her own good. Even when she acts like herself, many of the quirky things she does is for other people's sakes. That's why I think Stargirl is different than most Manic Pixie Girls because she doesn't act out of selfishness but actual love for other people.

  • Most of the movies i watched has every protagonist girl looking average or has certain way of dressing and it isn't even ugly but it is portrayed as if it is and everybody kinda ignores her but then she transforms herself with makeup and dress and hair and what not she is considered beautiful and everybody is drooling over her like bruh

  • Reminds me of "Your lie in April"

  • I have a gut feeling this fantasy is rooted in boys who did not have their needs met as children.

  • I thought about it and the only film that comes to mind that is ABOUT a "manic pixie dream girl" is Happy-Go-Lucky.

  • Appreciate the video but Holly Golightly is NOT a manic pixie dream girl. I recommend you watch Breakfast at Tiffany's again. She's broken inside but masks all that sadness and pain with the whole outgoing- socialite personality. She's not there to make Paul's life seem more meaningful or bring more liveliness into his life. She has her own struggles. If anything, the entire story is about her , how she learns to be vulnerable and accept someone's love. That's not the story of a MPDG.

  • I am the manic pixie dream girl and can confirm that is does get old when dating one...pretty quickly...

  • My kind of girls.

  • The opposite of quirky girls is a Hallmark Christmas story.

  • Omg is Bridge to Terrabithia a Manic Pixie Dream Girl movie?!?!

  • I would never be with a guy just to 'fix' that kind of fantasy is ridiculous

  • Thank you for being one of the few people that called out Summer’s part in the dissolution of their relationship. Her actions do NOT match her words. She basically uses him and knowingly leads him on like a plaything, and just expects to not have any repercussions. The guy definitely is selfish and doesn’t actually respect her personhood, but she is not without fault. She should absolutely be held responsible for her actions. Also, the argument that men have been playing women like this for centuries doesn’t justify women doing it back to men. That being said, men should finally be held accountable for similar “Summer-like” behavior they’ve displayed in relationships. Everyone should be held responsible for the part they play in any situation without impunity, there shouldn’t be a double standard.

  • Perhaps my favorite example of this is Elizabethtown, a movie where an angelic Kirsten Dunst saves Orlando Bloom's life. It's a far-from-perfect film but there's something about it I just like.

  • Ah. I dated one once. She was my first kiss. She was gone in a few months, but helped me grow. Literally lived it. Huh.

  • Not only do guys apparently need to be fixed and chicks get to be themselves, but if you try to fix a woman or let a guy totally be himself, and reverse the trope, it's seen as misogyny. Not to mention, the only way a real life "saving" can happen, is if both people compromise between totally being themselves and needing to be fixed, however it's different between the genders, for example Edward Cullen ends up turning Bella and protecting her forevermore, but in 500 days of summer, the woman is unwilling to change and therefore doesn't actually save Tom, but instead ends up making him feel even worse.

  • Except 500 days of summer is a breakdown of this trope. There is no indication that summer is a manic pixie girl. She from the get go says she doesn't want a relationship. Tom projected what he wanted on to her.

  • Manic pixie dream girls aren't real. So borderline and bipolar aren't things huh?

  • So basically they are sociopaths

  • My ex was exactly that. Never made compromises and put much effort into our relationship. I changed for her bid by bid till I realized I wasn't myself anymore. When someone tells you they never had a relationship that lasts longer than 5 months and ended some because they were annoyed by them, don't think it will be different with you. It usually isn't

  • And why are they always white?? Almost like a dream girl happens to always be white for people, which is also a problem

    • How is their race a problem?

  • I really really hate the idea of guys being a 'project' for girls. I am me. I decide whoever I want to be. Infact the person who I am is my choices. And a girl comes to my life and being like ''I do whatever I want this is just who I am. Deal with it.'' no bitch I am being I am. You deal with it. If you can't be in a relationship like that break up with me and stop acting like we are a couple.

  • society: gives things for women that are 'made' for them (e.g : twilight) women: oh cool i'll use that then society: bwaahha u have no taste and are so basic women: okok i guess i'll like something unconventional society: wow ur not like other girls huh? think ur quirky?

  • after watching the twilight clips, i just realized that there's a really blue filter over it? did anyone notice that?

  • Manic Pixie Dream Girls are just unhealthy fi users

  • The best version and example of the "manic pixie dream girl" is Rita from Arrested Development. It shows that those that are this constantly happy are in some way less dense than the vacuum of space.

  • wow i just had a serious personality realization

  • Woke

  • In my personal experience, I feel as if men have really taken this trope and tried to integrate it into their own lives (not all men, of course, just a handful.) They try so hard to be like the male protagonist in these films that they completely forget that the woman is a real human being with their own emotions and wants. For example, I recently had a guy who wanted to pursue a relationship, but I didn't because there was a large age difference and I just got out of an abusive relationship. He got upset and said I was being selfish and wasn't thinking ab his needs. This type of thing has happened several times. It's incredibly draining.